w

the golden butterfly dangled and swayed
perhaps if the raindrops were smaller
or if the wind blew gentler
the wings would not have quivered
and the beauty would have stayed
 
it glittered and sparkled
faded into the empty air
leaving a trace of intangilble elegance
in the muted dimension of desires
the untouchable is the highest beauty

a glance, a glimpse at the glint
and a false grasp of the fading light
the lost seizeure, the fallen grip
one elusive mystery, subtle and delicate
stubbornly remained restrained, remained.

the golden butterfly dangled and swayed
perhaps if the wings weren't that fragile
or if it was determined to hold on
the wings would not have flapped
and the beauty would have stayed

one elusive mystery, subtle and delicate
refused to be reminded, refused to be recalled
one aloof ignorance, lucid and obvious
refused to accept,  refused to change
one uncertain hysterical creature, frustrated with questions.

the golden butterfly dangled and swayed
perhaps if the rainbow came sooner
or if the flowers spared some shelter
the wings would not have trembled
and the beauty would have stayed

the golden butterfly dangled and swayed
perhaps perhaps if whatever it might
then destiny would not have led it astray.

w

back from eco trip
it was okay~ fun
greater fun chatting with erica la~~ have never speck so much mandarin in such a long period time, which i actually enjoyed...
tired
sleep.

so tired. head ache.

back to work, and time will go in such great speed, won't it?
back to sch!!!! no...!!!!
okay bye night night.

w

last night's celebrating asia was really really fun. we signed up for waitressing and actually we are exccessive cause the hyatt people (yeah grand hyatt catering!) can already manage. i felt so useless doing nothing. But yeah along the way we brign drinks and take away empty glasses and cups and plates. and we have good food! and fun time~! haha the Hyatt give so much to us who are not actaully helping much. Afterwards boarders left behind to clear up the place which i i guess the reason why i am sosososososso tired after. But i got a lot of flowers~ and those decorations in the hall~ it was a very very enjoyable night

and today my plan to wake up early failed. after lunch i went to finish off my art piece then i spent one and a half hour sitting of art room doing a sketch of teh trees overlooking the field. Cool~ the breeze and the moving leaves. it;s such a nice sunday afternoon quiet and peaceful and alone. beautiful! that's what i call a nice sunday afternoon which i never experience to the fullest

so back tot he boardings house with people, what should i do lea?

forgot to take medicine tim...

w

oh well what a great day
i slpet untill noon in the SAN
catch a cold, how i got it... hum....~
hey i am sick, it's true, not like i skip classes on purpose
and people treat me like i have had a great night last night
ya huh~ - _ - and that i went to SAN on purpose.

but my internals are good
got all of them
no five. =)
even better than my accessment
isn't that a blessing.

to my friends, dun let the internals bother you
i dunno what to say becuase i am in the wrongest position to say any words
i really don't know how to confort or what to say. ya
but it's over~
now we have... school and works... sigh.
so cheer up, and ... enjoy.

;p
should i now, go to bed, or start doing the stupid coursework for tmr...even have to read...

w

phew~
not as bad as i expect.

my accessment! I thought my grades's gonna drop. No matter how i calculate...but then it turns out i improved! I guess only econ and tok went down on grade. And no more 4!!! Got my first two 7A!!! Satisfied.. i never expected that, i thought i'd have a fall before internal~~ .. either i am lucky or i am actually smart =P... haha probabaly the teacher likes me cause i can really understand soem of the improvements.... anyway, relieved.

do you knoe the feeling of struggling to get up from bed every morning? EVERY morning, i struggle thinking, maybe, maybe today i will just lay in bed and skip this lesson, just for a day. just lay in bed. But then everything, EVERYtime i lost and get up and rush to school in my dreams and found out that that day is not as dreadful and as tiring as it could be. (obviously you find it out AFTER school)

today after lunch i slept, until around school ends, I LOVE the feelinf o having a free when you can sense the sleepiness tiredness and boredom of the students in school just beside your bedroom (well, kind of), you can sense them being tortured by teachers and works, lessons and lectures..... oh well where am i... i started finishing off my ToK essay. I started it one say when i was waiting for the printer to print my stuff in the lab, got about 200 hundred words, and then one night i made it up to 900 words, which i found nothing as difficult as it seems to be. I just typed what i have thought, and made up really stupid and general examples... mine is with no definition, no references, no research, i am jsut talking to myself....Anyway, at around 4:30 i finished my Tok and read it again and also being able to have a Korean cup noodles! sssslu~ yummy. but not yet full. not FULL at all.|

So i am basically done with it. I find it amzing how sometime i can write so efficiently and without difficulties, but when it comes to ECONOMIC.... eh ha.... quoted "winnie, how can you manage to write only 600 works for you economic essay, when i am only half way through but i have three pages already?" Well, i know double-lined two pages (which is not full) economin essay is jsut like a commentary.... but don't give me that sacarstic tone. i know you know what you are doing and do not ask for the sake of asking, you are so mo lei.

anyway. back to my life. so what should i do now? read chinese, start planning on my revision timetable (sound so organised and pathetic, haha but i will never study according to it so why bother... have it for the sake of doing something related to revision but not actually revising, do you ever know?) And my mind started to wonder off to soemwhere like, what movie should i watch when i get back to hk? are there tv programmes for me to look forward to? what restaurant should i urge my parents to bring me to when i get back? (seriouly i have thought of making a list of it.) how  much sleep should i get when i get back? how much TIME shoudl i WASTED, before i get going~?

okay so again, back to reality...what was i doing? oh planning what to do... practice my oboe for the performance tmr lunch time? pack stuff back to hk? fill my never-can-be-fulfilled stomach? reply emails? write new emails to anyone? doing very mo lei stuff like writing diaries, creative writing in my note book, draw really meanlingless things in my art sketch book and try to make soem sense out of it..... ? start thinking .........?

term is ending, and i dunno what to say.

i just know i am so idle
when i decided not to sleep.

w

i woke up.. as late as possible as usaul. It's UWC day and i was going to mangrove in Pasi Ris. i thought i'd get away form my tok teacher for no having the lesson today, but then he is the supervisor of my group.. haha waht a joke. i was about to ask him about our tok essay due this week when i realised how sad it was to have this stuck in my mind. We lead three grade 7 tutor groups and surpervise them picking up garbage. Oh my god i can never imagine how dirty it is under the bridge on the bank. It was disaster. So me, Mio and Rachel who were in charge of the tutor group sated picking rubbish from the muddy area. The group i was assigned, acutally the whole tutor group was not worknig at all. Those girls were just screaming and complaining how gross the place is, how they are gogin tp take a shower when they get back... yeah like i won't~. So basically we picked a lot of gargbage. sweat a lot. but the place hadn't change much, but we... are full of mud and dirts afterwards..

well got back jsut in tiem for lunch. i took a shower and head for lunch and class. Art class was the most useless, but then i have decided to have art as my extended essay subject and ahve my teacher as my superviser..., the problem is what to talk about....

anyway after school is chinese extra lesson. well i thought i am goin got use my brain but not really cause it was just finish off the movie. It is a nice movie. i dunno... the setting is pretty, and scenes are just so full of words and message, all those things that it wants to say.... it was nice enough. even thoguth i already know the story. can't want to finish off the book. but how am i going to if it's in simplified word?

So i went back to the boarding house, at 4:30 there is this practice of Saudia's performance..then for the whole evening i was just around getting prepared and well.. ... just there in case... there were just rehearsals of every performance....  so i was just there So yiftu's dance was first. and then Saudia's wedding play... and after a very short two other performances i was in the Kenyan poem as well. Finale and end. That's it and it was pretty hectic. even watching the others.... soem does more than four performances...

It was very nice. Altough i did not have the chance to really see it. Then i have dinner with the teachers... My math teacher and Rachel. It's a nice evening and the africam food is so delicious. I guess they are jsut simple as the food caould be... i almost picked every dished.. as usaual i did not come to finish it. but i was full.

back to the house

i am tired.
so tired.

and forseeing my days until after internal. i see no break. > <  Why~!!?